If I Interviewed Myself at 8 Years Old...

(Not Mine) Photo Credit: http://www.giedresblogas.lt/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/bilde.jpg

Stereotypical Character: Good Afternoon Kelsey, and thank you for joining me for this interview!

8 Year Old Kelsey: My mom said if I sit still for the whole thing, I get to have ice cream after.

S. C : Well, I won’t keep you for too long, I’m sure you have lots of exciting stuff to do today!

K: I’m gonna ride my bike through puddles in my good dress today!

S.C: ...Are you sure that’s a good idea?

K: Uh huh! I saw people drive their bikes through mud in dresses once, and I wanna do it too! It’s called a “Mud Challenge”!

S.C: I see, well, maybe you should ask your parents for permission before doing that...

K: OR, I could drive my bike through the mud first, THEN, hide my dirty dress under the porch?

S.C: ...I feel like it would be a good idea to not wear your good dress while biking through the mud.

K: I guess so, I could wear my Sailor Moon pajamas instead? They’re more comfy anyways.

S.C: ...Moving on. First question: what do you want to be when you grow up?

K: Oooh! I KNOW! A Princess! Or a astronaut? Or singer! Or a Singing space-princess with wings, who fights bad guys, and is also a pirate!

S.C:—interesting... Second question: What is your favorite food?

K: Grilled cheese! No, candy! No, um, I really like Macaroni and cheese, but I also really like won tons, so can I say both? Or if I say both, can I put those in with thanksgiving dinner, and say that’s my favorite instead?

S.C: Sure...I don’t see why not. Third question: Favorite colour?

K: Pink. And Yellow. Then Blue. Then Red.....Then purple.

S.C: SO, basically, all of the colours of the rainbow?

K: No, cause green is yucky. Poopy green is my least favorite colour. Besides barf green.

S.C: There’s a difference?

K: Yeah, poopy green is poopy, and the barf green is barfy.

S.C: Okay then, thank you for elaborating... Fourth question: Do you have a favorite television show?

K: LOTS! I like Sailor Moon, and Arthur, and Doug, and Rugrats, and Ducktales, and Reboot, and Gargoyles, and Dexter’s Laboratory, and Johnny Bravo, and The Powerpuff Girls, and The Simpsons, and Star Trek—

S.C: Wow, you watch a lot of TV, don’t you!

K: Only after I finish my homework, or if it’s raining.

S.C: Next question: Favorite activity—or should I say, activities?

K: I like to write stories, and draw pictures, and paint, and play basketball, and ride my bike, and swim, and dance—

S.C: Whoa, slow down there...let me get all of this...you sound like a very busy child!

K: Well, when I go on adventures, or read about fun stuff, I like to turn it into stories with my friends.  Or, if I see a fun dance on TV, we’ll do the dance like the band does!

S.C: So, you do dance routines, from music videos?

K: Yep! We even entered a talent show, and won! We beat all the junior highs with our S Club 7 dance!

S.C: Wow Kelsey, that sounds like a lot of fun! Alright now, one final question, if you could send yourself a message in the future, what would it be?

K: Ummm, probably I’d ask if Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask ever get married, or, maybe I’d say something special?

S.C: Such as...?

K: Maybe that I hope I never get tired of writing stories when I’m a grown-up, ...But if I don’t get the message, it’s probably cause I’m busy in outer space fighting bad guys.

S.C: Thank you for your time, Kelsey. This has been an utter delight.

Sometimes I Ramble...

I am exactly where I didn’t want to be at the age of 22.

I have graduated from university with a useless degree. Not in the literal sense, but metaphorically speaking.

I am now thousands of dollars in debt, BUT, I have a piece of paper with my name on it which states that I went to school for four years, and did not drop out. Even though I had considered doing so several times.

(Credit: stinkycomics.com)

I am unemployed. Day after day, I send out resumes, practically begging to be hired so I can start chipping away at the economic ball-and-chain which will follow me forever. Or until I pay it off.

I'm pretty much begging for employment.

I live with my parents. Even though I no longer pay rent, or have the need to re-invent ways to eat ramen, I still feel like I am in a rut. I went from adult, to child, in a matter of minutes after graduation.

(http://www.southcoasttoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090610/SC2470102/90610004)

However,

I think am happy.

Throughout these past four years, I have learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. Sure, those 20-something page papers about seemingly pointless topics kept you up at night, and gave you constant acid-reflux were a pain, but you gained more general knowledge about lesser-known things. 

This method of studying is not as effective as it looks...

You are now a fountain of information at the Thanksgiving dinner table. You have learned that you are able to go 72 hours without sleep, and still make every deadline.  You prefer Mozart over Beethoven, and Gin over Wine. Then again, whatever alcohol you could afford was good enough.

I have met some of the most brilliant people one could ever encounter. No, it wasn’t Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates, BUT, they were your professors and peers. These people helped you define who you are, and what you love to do. If you wanted to pursue the narrative of a zombie, all you had to do was ask. If you wanted to discover what made Robert Kennedy and his wife Ethel Skakel a couple of the greatest humanitarians the world will ever see, there was a class in which you could find the answer.

Seriously, this man and his Wife Ethel, beautiful human beings. (http://bobby-kennedy.com/rfkbiography.htm)

This is me trying to justify why I chose to pursue an Undergraduate degree in English, with a Minor in History. I may not be living debt-free in an apartment (or house) of my own, with a dream job and luxurious car, however, I think I like where I am headed. 

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada Day everyone! Unfortunately, it's a damp and muggy one.
Instead of witnessing magnificent floats, majorettes, and marching bands, my family, friends, and I, are watching the weather network, while raindrops fall from the sky like their little lives depend on it.

 

 

We were hoping that the crap-tastic weather would stay away, but it seems as though Mother Nature wants to ensure that we are all just as miserable as she is. What a cranky lady she's turning out to be this summer.

 

I hope your Canada Day is a great one-and is much dryer than ours is...

My Life is Like a Terrible Game of Mario Party...

Throughout my existence, certain events and discoveries have led me to believe that life itself is against me. From day one, I knew that being an English major probably wasn't the smartest choice I could make, but I figured, "Hey, I enjoy this subject, I get great marks in it, might as well continue to frolic in this general direction..." WRONG. Boy was I ever wrong. University recruiters and current students will tell you that "typically", you will experience a change in marks during your transition from High School to University. However, they do not explain how big or little of a change that will be. For me, it was like getting smacked in the face with more knowledge than my brain could handle, and I felt as if I had been left completely vulnerable and unprepared,thanks to my high school's lack of preparation for the real world.  Now, I'm not saying that I blame my initial decline solely on my high school. Heck, I really enjoyed a lot of the classes I had taken, and some of the teachers were top notch. But realistically, they should have been straight forward with me when I approached them about my decision to go into English, especially during a time when the economy is in the toilet, and there are little to no jobs which require solely an Arts degree. 
Now, I know what you're thinking, "Kelsey, stop rambling and get to the point of this post already..." I'm getting there, momentarily, just bear with me. 
During my studies, I would find signs about my impending doom as an English students almost everywhere I went. I felt as if what I was doing was completely pointless. One of the assigned readings in my 18th Century Literature had a chapter entitled: 

(Apologies for the vertical image, I created this post with reckless abandon)

This is when I realized that my future was going to be a world of confusion, and utter disappointment. Throughout my travels, I would find myself being engaged in discussions, during which I would become the subject of concern. Upon telling people that indeed, I was an English major, the follow-up questions would quickly ensue, "And, what are your plans for afterwards?" "What are you planning on doing with your life?" "Are you interested in teaching English abroad?" To which I would mumble an answer which seemed justified. Usually, I came up with, "I've always wanted to be a teacher," which isn't completely untrue, but in today's job market, is completely unrealistic. 

During a trip, I came across a book which pretty much summed up my situation. 

As I picked it up I laughed, not only because the title/subtitle is completely accurate, but because I had come to the realization that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life. But for now, I think I'm okay with that. 

I would want nothing more than to be able to travel around the globe, and write about all of the cultures I have learned about in my various English/History courses, pay off my student loan, and write/create simply for the sake of creating something, and enjoying the process as well as the product. (I definitely just went full-on Virginia Woolf there for a second...if you don't know what I'm referring to, I highly suggest that you read her work, "A Room of One's Own").

But for now, it seems as if I am a wandering character in a bland narrative, hoping to find some rising action for this plot of a life....

Or, simply a character in Mario Party who never has enough coins for a freaking star, and keeps getting the crap end of the stick on every Event ("?") and Bowser space. 

(And yes, this actually happened to me.) 

What is this...

Okay, so, I'm a graduate. I have a Bachelor of Arts in English. I had to move back in with my parents. I am unemployed. I am exactly where I didn't want to be at the age of 21, almost 22. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, hello fellow humans/and or advanced species of cat that can use the internet. This is my first extra-curricular blog. I have made others in the past for educational purposes, that contained some pretty uninteresting stuff. I hope to change that starting....NOW. After reading several wonderful blogs including The Oatmeal and Hypberbole And A Half, (as well as being egged on by friends, acquaintances, and peers), I have decided to take a leap of faith into the unknown. I own a PC, and do not have Photoshop, or anything near to its equivalent, so I make terribly photoshopped images for the sake of their own hideousness. I feel like this blog will be a "Notre Dame" of sorts to the numerous Quasi Modos which spawn from the deepest/strangest recesses of my mind. 
Example A of what happens when I have have access to a computer, and the subject of a sophisticated, English Budgie came up in a conversation: 

...Didn't see THAT one coming, did you? Yes unfortunately, that is what my mind conjured up.

As an English and History student, I was subjected to taking mandatory courses which included lectures that I felt I had already experienced in high school. Case and point; while going through old notes, I discovered this gem:

Many humorous things seemed to have found their way into my studies, not only through my own note taking, but also while trying to study online. While quizzing myself about my knowledge of Shakespeare's works, I used several sites to test my memory. One site however, featured a quiz with many questionable response options. For instance:

Even though A isn't the correct option, it is clearly the funniest, and should therefore become part of the play. I demand a rewrite.

I guess you could say, that 4th year Kelsey had a major case of "Senioritus" and stopped caring about succeeding. She graduated, which is good for her and all, but does not however, provide her with a high-paying job, or prospective employment opportunities. So for now, I guess this blog will have to do.